Kendrick Kunhong Kim

Well, it has been a little over three months into 2008 and I wonder what have I accomplished and have I kept my new year resolution goals. Time flies and life is short. It will always be filled with dissappointments and heart break. I am just realizing that now and getting out of my bubble. People who you trust will turn to stab you in the back when you least expected and people who you thought were your friends are really not. What do I mean? You invest and put a lot of work into friendships and you think very highly of them and they in turn do not reciprocate or think your as valuable to them as you think they are. Too many words in this damn blog. Anyways, I realize that I should not put people on a pedastool and I definitely should not put my energy, effort, value, and heart into friendships when they do not think of me the same or feel the same as I do. It is really my fault for falling for people's friendships so quick. I give 100% always and give people too much benefit of the doubt, but in the end, you get hurt. That is just life, there is really no one to blame or feel angry towards, because that is what life entails; heartach, and sadness. I realize I can not be too sensitive and I know I got to stop being a little whiny bitch. So, what is the point of this blog? I am just venting and sharing what I have learned and realized. Finally at age 30, I realize that life is harsh and not a place of fuzzy warm hearted people. There are people that will insult your intelligence, disrespect you, use you, mistreat you (for example, not let you use the bathroom because your pissed drunk, so they make you pee in the bushes outside and then get pissed off at you for being drunk, such hypcrosy, or people that do not acknowledge or apologize for things that should be acknowledged and a simple sorry would suffice, but use pride as an excuse not to apologize and try to let things go like it didn't happend, or people who actually try to ignore you and pretend to forget what they did wrong, and say stupid things to try to make up for it). Hey, I am not saying I am perfect and I have no faults, but the I admit my wrongs, my faults, and if you can prove to me that I was wrong, or if I already know that yeah I was being a bitch, then hell yeah, I will apologize. I will even be the first to step up and say, hey I was wrong and I am sorry. For example, last June 17, 2007 on father's day, I was having a bad day and being father's day did not help the situation. I was not in a good mood, and one of my friends brother and I got into it. He was ready to fight and probably wanted to put me down under. It was stupid and senseless and yes, it was entirely my fault. I text message that individual the next day, but it is not like we are chummy chummy and everything is ok. Even today, I know we are not the same, but I would never insult his intelligence and say, gee, " I wonder why we are not friends and pretend everything is ok." I will apologize. I will even be the first to step up and say, hey I was wrong and I am sorry. That is not losing pride, I think that is owning up to what you did and open communication. That is my opinion and of course people will have different viewpoints and perspectives on things. I am just giving you mine. I have also learned that, people do not respect you when you do not have a title behind your name. Getting degrees left and right does not do shit for you because without a title or a career, your just a small piece of cow dung that is worthless. So, how do I change my life? For starters figure out what do I want in life? What is my career path and career goal? Get a job and stop being a professional student. Definitely need to have better financial management and plans. Most definitely need to stop being too sensitive and need to learn to go with the flow. I also need to stop putting people on pedastools and having so much belief that friends will be there for you and having so much faith in human beings because i realize everyone is out for themselves. D.T.A. (Don't Trust Anyone)! This is sad to say, but i guess that is what life is and I guess I have a lot of growing up and more harsh realities to face.

My favorite memory is when I woke up christmas mornings when I was a little boy and the fantasy of Santa Clause was alive and well. My mom did an excellent job in making christmas miracles. She still does.